today we salute you, mr. piano tuner guy

We've been saved from the horribly discordant sounds that have pervaded our house lately, by an unlikely hero in a flannel shirt and unibomber shades. When he showed up to tune our piano, I was so impressed with his charicature-like appearance and his hilarious seriousness about the job that I could not help referring to him for the rest of the day in the style of the Bud Light "Real Men of Genius" ads. So today we salute you, Mr. Piano Tuner Guy.

I am well-versed in these stupid commercials because my first year in college, back when the ad campaign was still called "Real American Heroes," my roommate and I used to ceremoniously listen to each day's commercial on the radio at approximately 7:23 before heading out for the day. (Could that be right, Brit? I swear it was before 7:30, but now that I think about it, I can't imagine you getting up that early on a regular basis.)

Then I heard one of these ads just the other day, and I reluctantly admitted to myself that I still find them funny. It must have something to do with the back-up guy belting out hilarious phrases in the background. Here are bits of some old favorites. But I'm pretty certain that none of these guys could take Mr. Piano Tuner Guy in a showdown of heroics.

Mr. Garden Gnome Maker
"Anyone can dress up a yard with a shrub or some gladiolas. But it takes real guts to use a small, brightly-colored ceramic man. Many a night, you've slaved over a hot ceramic-man-maker, knowing somewhere there was a lonely pink flamingo, or a cement frog, who needed a buddy."

Mr. Cargo Pants Designer
"You finally gave us what we wanted: the millitary look, without all that bothersome drilling, marching and shooting.

Mr. Movie Theater Ticket Ripper Upper
"Truly the long arm of the law at the movie theater, you and a velvet rope are all that keep the huddled masses from a free flick."

Mr. Tiny Dog Clothing Manufacturer
"Great men ask the tough questions, ‘Where did we come from?’, ‘What is gravity?’, ‘How do you help a Schnauzer through a fashion Crisis?’ You see no irony in designing a thick fur coat for an animal born with a thick fur coat."

Mr. Airport Baggage Handler
“SFO, ORD, LAX. The complex airport codes are almost unsolvable. But that's OK, because thanks to you, everything is going to Tulsa. Thank you, O’ King of the Carousel. You give us all a reason to ‘carry on.’”

Mr. Artificial Tree Maker
“Nothing brings out the holiday spirit like a giant steel pole, with nine feet of green pipe cleaners attached to it. Your trees may lean wildly to the left, O’ Purveyor of the Pine, but your heart is always in the right place.

Mr. Basketball Shoe Designer.
"Every year you make staggering advances in technology. Like air. More air. Slightly less air. And a separate air chamber for maximum air."

Mr. Baseball Designated Hitter
“Our question: What's it like to be a professional baseball player who doesn't even need to own a baseball glove?”

Mr. Male Football Cheerleader
“Fourth down and inches, the game's on the line, and it all comes down to you. Will you call for a perky pyramid, or a line dance?”