19 March 2009

broadcast yourself

I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that the stall adjacent to mine in the restroom at the public library is the wrong place for this phone conversation:

"Hi. Where are you?"

"Oh. I'm still at the library."

"I'm actually [lowers voice]... I'm actually just calling to tell you that Shawn is cheating on you."

[Bathroom noise]

"Well I've heard about it from two very reliable sources."

"No, I'm not... I didn't call you to start a fight. It's just that [sniffle] I care about you [sniffle, sniffle] and I thought you would want to know."

[loud flushing noise]

[yelling to be heard over flushing noise] "Stop saying that! I know you don't want to hear it, but it's true! He's definitely been cheating on you. For awhile."

[while washing hands, shares intimate details about the nature of the infidelities]

[walking out the door] "No, I swear to you, I haven't said anything to anybody else. You're the only one I've told."

15 March 2009

excited about nothing

Do you see this? All those little spaces on next week's calendar are blank. No plans. No appointments. No meetings. Not even any to-do lists. Just two precious words: Spring Break. Hallelujah. Can I get an amen?