19 March 2009

broadcast yourself

I'm going to go out on a limb and suggest that the stall adjacent to mine in the restroom at the public library is the wrong place for this phone conversation:

"Hi. Where are you?"

"Oh. I'm still at the library."

"I'm actually [lowers voice]... I'm actually just calling to tell you that Shawn is cheating on you."

[Bathroom noise]

"Well I've heard about it from two very reliable sources."

"No, I'm not... I didn't call you to start a fight. It's just that [sniffle] I care about you [sniffle, sniffle] and I thought you would want to know."

[loud flushing noise]

[yelling to be heard over flushing noise] "Stop saying that! I know you don't want to hear it, but it's true! He's definitely been cheating on you. For awhile."

[while washing hands, shares intimate details about the nature of the infidelities]

[walking out the door] "No, I swear to you, I haven't said anything to anybody else. You're the only one I've told."

8 comments:

TPlayer said...

I HATE HATE HATE bathroom talk!!! Sometimes when my Mom is with me and we will be talking, I won't even respond to her if she continues our conversations once we're in the stalls. it's actually really funny because she will keep chatting and then when i don't respond she'll say "Oh that's right..no bathroom talk"

Heidi said...

Sick. And sick. Again. That is most unfortunate that you were privy to such information. And TPlayer's comment really made me laugh. :)

Anonymous said...

I personally love holding conversations while doing my business. Even better (and more private) when I have the safe comforts of the soundproof bathroom stall around me.

jen said...

I love how she insists that she hasn't told a soul....and you just posted it on your blog.

Breona said...

Oh wow. lucky you.! bathroom conversations are incredible. what a "crappy" friend

Anonymous said...

Wow, that must have been such an interesting conversation to behold. And of all places, the person thought calling from the library restroom was the safest place to have that discussion.

How lucky are you?!

Amber said...

I'm at a loss for words...wow. Doesn't over hearing something like that make you feel really good about yourself and your marriage? :)

Chelsea said...

That's hilarious! I think it's rude to be on the phone in a public restroom. no one needs to hear your conversation (although, I would have been listening really hard to that one - i love juicy gossip - i can't help it!) while others are flushing toilets. it happened when I was at work once (back in 2002 before everyone and their dogs had phones)and I was so flabbergasted that a coworker was using the toilet while talking to a mechanic that I went over and flushed the stalls next to her a few times, just so she'd get the message that it's not socially acceptable. a little snotty of me, maybe, but seriously people!